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Last Friday, Las Vegas-based heavy metal band Five Finger Death Punch released a greatest hits compilation album, A Decade of Destruction. They’ve been a band for 12 years and have been putting out records for ten (six albums to be exact, including a two-parter in 2013) and apparently that has given them enough material for a greatest hits compilation, which, just by the number of recordings, is pretty impressive. I guess? Like, google “greatest hits,” right now, and you’re gonna see names like “Björk” and “The Beatles.” Add Five Finger Death Punch (5FDP and/or FFDP, as loyal fingie-punchies have been known to do) to that list.

But here’s the thing—do you know any Five Finger Death Punch songs? I do not, and I write about rock music for a living. I do know that they are very active in supporting the troops, which is good: They released a music video attempting to detail the veteran experience of reacclimatizing to civilian life after serving in combat and suffering from PTSD (as a side note, if you think mental health care in this country is the pits, you should read up on how we treat those who serve.) Last year, they were even awarded the Soldier Appreciation Award by the the Association of the United States Army—European Region, which has only been given out to one musical artist every before—Elvis Presley.


So all that is very cool and props to them, but now I’m listening to this greatest hits comp and it just kind of sounds like any other commercial radio rock band? They’ve got riffs for days, sure, and the singer guy certainly sounds like he owns multiple Scott Stapp solo records, but I just don’t...get it? I also know that dude doesn’t like Kanye West for the most boring reasons to hate Kanye West, so there’s that.

There’s also an Offspring over on this comp, which they just released a lyric video for, for some reason? It’s a COVER. The words have been online since it was released in 1997? Also this sounds exactly like Nickelback*, don’t you dare @ me:

When did this band become the biggest thing in hard rock? How did it happen?Have I been asleep for the last decade, head buried deep in bed, laying so comfortably on the cold side of the pillow that is indie rock? Who knows? Perhaps you know, and you can tell me—what’s going on?

*Nickelback rocks, kind of, but they already exist and there doesn’t need to be another one. Also, Five Finger Death Punch doesn’t strike me as a funny thing to like, so what is the point?

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