via Kevin Winter/Getty Images

On Thursday, a representative for Serengeti Wildlife Park in Germany revealed to, the women-oriented sister site of UK news blog The Tab, that Justin Bieber’s old pet monkey, Mally, suffered developmental damage from living with him. Mally was confiscated in 2013 by German authorities when Bieber arrived in Munich without the proper paperwork. (Bieber told GQ this wasn’t the case in 2015, claiming Mally was seized because monkeys are endangered in Germany—but Serengeti staff told they believe he was bought on the black market.)

It’s not quite as insane as the Lena Dunham and Lamby fiasco, but it sure sounds like this monkey never should have been owned by any person in the early stages of its life. Poor Mally just wanted to be a human:

“He still has issues speaking the capuchin language,” Asta Knoth, a rep for the zoo told babe. “He still tries to imitate human speech. He sometimes makes weird scratchy sounds which are not typical for capuchins. That’s why we think he still tries to talk to humans.”


The heartbreak continues, as a zookeeper tells that Mally was “frightened,” “alone,” and “disoriented” (relatable) upon arriving at the Serengeti Wildlife Park. Mally also never really got to know his family, since he was taken from them at such a young age. “It took a while for him to get there because he was taken away from his mother and natural family way too early. He did not learn to be a monkey,” Knoth adds. Don’t worry! Things turn out OK for Mally: “He did recover fine and he is healthy and seems to be quite happy in his new home,” Knoth said.

I still have many questions: what did Bieber say to this monkey that he’s trying to mimic? Can he sing? Is Selena Gomez friends with Mally? Would I watch a War of the Planet of the Apes spin-off featuring a monkey that wants to become an international pop star? I think so.

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