Christopher Polk/Getty Images for iHeartMedia

Earlier this week, Variety reported that One Direction’s resident bad boy (we should say ex-resident, can you believe it’s been nearly three years since the boy band called it quits?) Louis Tomlinson listed his Calabasas, California (home to Keeping Up with the Kardashians) mansion for a cool $13.999 million. Celebrities flip houses all the time, but damnnnn, Louie!—the photos of his digs are completely breathtaking. My guy must’ve hired a killer interior designer, because judging by his incredibly embarrassing tattoos, he’s got no eye for art. I digress.

Tomlinson’s home is no tiny townhouse: the building, which stretches over 9,659 square feet, has five bedrooms, eight bathrooms and two guesthouses. Variety informs me that it’s the “Santa Barbara Spanish-style main house features five fireplaces with tile accented carved limestone mantels” and “hand-hewn walnut wood floorboards.” I’m too poor to know what any of that means, but I do like to the look at pictures, and holy shit have you seen Tomlinson’s library? This is straight out of fan fiction site Wattpad, man:

Via Variety/THE AGENCY

Who do you think will purchase Tomlinson’s not-so-humble abode? And where do you think he’s living now? I’m sure some forever-loyal Directioners know (please, don’t publish his address, that’s rude) but I’m impressed with LT. He’s clearly living well, even after the breakup.

Check out more photos below, via THE AGENCY.