The music video for “Bartier Cardi,” Cardi B’s first solo single since her career-making “Bodak Yellow,” takes place poolside an old-school glam mansion. In this fanciful abode, women spend their days counting cash, kidnapping men, lounging in formalwear, and rocking some cute-ass shoes. If you told me that’s how Cardi B spends her days in the real world, I would more-than-halfway believe you—but when the video cuts to the Bronx rapper gyrating on the hood of a moving vehicle (in the rain), I’m like, whoa, slow down. From my perspective, she’s teetering on the very edge of the hood, defying the laws of physics. She should be on the verge of falling over (and that’d be bad, protect Cardi!!!), but she seems... totally fine? Not even the glint of fear in her eyes? She’s not even awkwardly repositioning herself over and over again, trying to find her footing on the Prius or whatever this Lyft is? I don’t buy it. There’s some trickery of lighting (or a green screen) going on here. You can’t fool me.
Intellectually, I know Cardi B is empowered to dance on the hood of as many cars as she wants (as is every woman) and I support her in that decision. In Cardi B’s songs, women rule—they make money moves, they’re a boss (you’re a worker, biiiih), they wear bloody shoes. I’m all for Cardi getting down, but I’d like her to be safe. That’s all. Watch for yourself above!