Former Real Estate guitarist Matt Mondanile, who was accused of sexual misconduct by multiple women last year, posted a lengthy message to Facebook on Thursday, addressing the allegations, the conditions under which he left the band, and his relationship with ex-girlfriend and fellow musician Julia Holter. He essentially asks for forgiveness, although it’s unclear, exactly, from who.
“I am so thankful for the people that have stuck by me during this time and I don’t agree with the social isolation caused by public shaming on the internet,” Mondanile writes. He adds:
“I haven’t seen the members of Real Estate for over three years. I don’t know if I will ever see them or talk to some former friends of mine ever again. I don’t believe that abusers should be cut off and abandoned from public life. I believe that people have the ability to change and better themselves and should be able to integrate back into society.”
On the subject of Holter, Mondanile writes that he “acted immaturely and irresponsibly harrassing [sic] her own well deserved success and life decisions” after they broke up and “immediately sought out therapy for my obsessive behavior towards her.” While in therapy, he “wrote her rude and angry emails,” followed by another “email apologizing for my rash and disturbing behavior,” before Holter’s lawyers asked that he stop contacting her. “I am so sorry to Julia for the pain and frustration I’ve caused her,” Mondanile writes.
Mondanile goes on to describe his falling out with his former band, Real Estate, saying that the band asked him to leave for “a few different reasons,” which included, but apparently weren’t limited to sexual misconduct allegations. “I didn’t want to tour, I lived far away from them, and because of my treatment of women,” Mondanile writes.
Mondanile claims that reading about the sexual misconduct allegations in an article published last October came as a shock to him. “I had either forgotten or neglected to remember these occurrences in my past life,” he writes, saying he “never fully realized how little empathy I had towards the opposite sex in sexual situations.” So much, I guess, for all that therapy.
So often, apologies that come from powerful men who’ve been accused of sexual assault or misconduct focus disproportionately on themselves and how their lives have changed since being accused—what Mondanile refers to as his “public shaming.” And yet, if Mondanile were really interested in forgiveness, I cannot think of a reason why he would write this verbose, confusing statement and disseminate it to his 40,000 Facebook followers, instead of waiting to hear from the women he abused and learning what real forgiveness would take.
Read the full statement here.